I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
