woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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