Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
