Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
