did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
