girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
