I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
