You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
