You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
