Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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