i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
