We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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