my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
even my farts smell like vagina
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize