im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Barsexuality is the new black.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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