Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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