it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
