my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
