Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
