Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
