If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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