New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These tits shall not be calmed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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