mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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