Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
