just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
