did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
