How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
