I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
