His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
