so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
