My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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