hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
