Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
