i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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