Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
operation harelip BJ is a go
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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