those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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