Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
