You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
