I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
