I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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