Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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