well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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