I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
