are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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