Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
