yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
