wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
