but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
