I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
