just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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