my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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