i just had sex bonerless
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
