I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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