Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
