I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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