What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Welp...herpes.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
