____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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