i need an iv and a liver transplant
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
