drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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