Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
