if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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