Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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