Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize