the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bring money and cleavage
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
