yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
