whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
