don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
