You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
