Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am naked and annoyed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
