If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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