So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Boobs speak an international language.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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