It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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