the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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