just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
